Forget Kale, Science Says Cockroach Milk Is The Next Superfood

You know how you sometimes wonder why we drink milk? Or better yet, you wonder “who was the first person that decided cow utters look like a divine source of nutrition?” Well, if you thought utters and cow’s milk were weird, wait till you hear what scientists say could be the next superfood — cockroach milk. BOOM! We’re about to start milking the crap out of those un-killable freaks.

It took a group of researchers from five different countries including India, Japan, Canada, the U.S. and France but we’ve finally learned (and it should come as no surprise because they’re indestructible) that cockroaches are the fountain of youth. So, eat up!

Well, they’re not exactly the fountain of youth but, roach research has revealed that the “milk” a cockroach feeds it’s offspring contains highly nutritious protein crystals. And not just any old roach. The highly disgusting, Diploptera punctata AKA Pacific Beetle Cockroach — which is the only known viviparous cockroach. Meaning that like humans, the Pacific Beetle Cockroach gives birth to live babies rather than hatching eggs. In other words, it’s basically a mammal. Honestly, if your skin isn’t crawling at this point, bravo.

Apparently Pacific Beetle Cockroach “milk” contains all of the essential amino acids and the protein crystal is estimated to contain three times the amount of energy found in dairy milk. It also has lots of lipids and sugars, so it’s kind of the total package in terms of nutrition. Researchers say the idea of “harvesting” roach milk isn’t all that obscure.According to Professor John Carver, Director of the Research School of Chemistry at Australian National University, “They wouldn’t go and kill lots of cockroaches for it. They would isolate the gene for this protein from the cockroach and then express it and grow it up in a yeast system in very large microbiological vats and produce large quantities.”

We’re really looking forward to the day people start demanding roach milk instead of almond milk at their coffee shops. The only question that remains — is it vegan?